enjoy all!

okay i got lazy,

so i went to take a nap and poof.

so here is it.

the last fucking day of 2010.

yeah every year is that long until youre on this very day.

it doesnt feel that far anymore, and everything just flew passed in a sec.

this year, 2010 is really simple.

simply, its all bout L.

all flavors.

all goods and bads.

its 2011 soon mf.

i still seek to be a better fella, somehow.

maybe more hectic stuff?

alright im off to steamboat then head off to KL during midnight!

gonna be with all the homies tonight.

HELLYEAH FUN.

although the driving to KL is pretty dangerous, midnight. hopefully can yi lu shun fong!

the tourist movie was damn good, i swear.

awesome love story and actions. angelina jolie and johnny depp, impeccable! HAHAHA

"I don't regret you know,

kissing You."

yeah, i still don't.

happy 2011,

look forward.

blah, im gonna shower and write later.

Is this some kind of crisis?
F. This shit should be easy.
I thought I had it.
Seems like not thinking is that difficult.

This song popped up half way when I was sound asleep:
"Cause' even if you want to go alone,
I'll be waiting for you coming home.
And if you need someone to ease the pain,
I'll be right here for you and my heart will still remain."

That is one fucking sad song to be reminded of.
No, I wasn't tearing but hell, the heart is heavy.
F I'm feeling all the shit now.
Endure.
F endure.

Enjoy, resolution up soon

and i officially cleared all the leaves.

but why the heaven am i awake now?

Drop me a letter, a note
A piece of you

shit.

theres a fking letter beneath the pillow.

should i open.

god damn it.

okay i just wait.

sweet dreams fellas

im finally home.

like gone for a chalet or something.

let me clean up the room before writing!

figure out

You.
Give me one good reason.
Why would I jeopardize the relationship?

Yeah I thought of all the words,
none belonged to you.
I probably don't know enough,
not that enough.

so voice it.
Yet there's no medium for you to do that now I guess.
I'm fucking myself I guess.

Blah, enjoy.

happy time flies in a wink.

shes flying off tml night.

take a grip

Its Christmas,
Why do I have to face such crap?
Thanks.

C dragged me to the corner and asked me,
"Gone?"
"What gone?!"
"Her?"
"Oh, got deleted bbm/twitter."
"... Ouch alvin. So, what's next? Facebook?"
And we both laughed.
Maybe I did laugh.

Okay back to the party.
All the fellas are tipsy outside.
Sorta sneaked into the room, siaming all the drinks. HAHAHA
Awkward shit really happened earlier on, not to even mention when I first saw them.
I am not even that!
Exactly. I should be used to that.
Like thanks again.

You know,
I shouldn't write or comment on it. I'm sure I'll be making it worst no matter whichever way I put it.
I guess I can live with that for now.

Really.
Let's just party and not be troubled by shit yo!
Its christmas for fuck's sake!

shh, santa's coming!

i think its super hilarious that en's whoever ex thinks that shes flirting over this

"><"" to me some screenshot.

its fcuking hilarious and utterly "WTF?!"

SEE THAT PIECE OF SHIT, i told her not to act cute in game!

look at the mess.

maybe hes just acting to be jealous, like me.

can totally understand that if thats the case, its like part of the "job."

doubt so though.

Um.

i think im spending Xmas over there too?

or even sunday. i have got no idea.

wait, i didnt want to know.

like very happening, i dont even know half of em!

okay, to be updated.

im running late, like always.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

ENJOY

lastly

Ever had an unreachable target?
Someone or something that you thought you were so closed into getting it but ends up feeling so far away.
I had one,
big time.
I thought I was decently good enough if I maintained my pace.
But shit aint so easy, I found out I was pretty far behind.
Its as though there wasn't any confidence to begin with, I felt inferior.
And boy, I realized this is the pressure of growing up.
You start to feel and compare,
You start to get worried and lost the balance.

I probably just gave her up to let the better ones cut the queue.
I actually did that.
So now I wanted the space,
I needed the time for myself.
Time to actually work hard for the future and for myself.
R/s probably aint bout the game anymore,
Nor the ilu or imu.
Responsibilities.
So spare me.
I'm not getting into one, not even a short coaster ride.

I will start running,
till the day you're engaged.

Merry christmas.

okay.

im done wishing.

I still can't believe you
found somebody new
but I wish you the best
again

Oh well, this is part of a song lyrics by john legend.

Although my shit aint as upsetting as the song,
but yeah.
I do miss her!
doesn't matter I guess.
I don't even know what's the misunderstanding.

I won't be able to celebrate eve/xmas with the guys.
will still be meeting them for new year!

Love the weather

somebody

you, do you remember me?

On this christmas, I just wished that you'd stay.

#sweetness

this is too sweet man.

don't you get it?

But

I want to say I'm not going for anyone else except her,
But
She's not even here now!

I'm trying not to think bout her right now,
But there's lots of buts.
Okay.

I should refrain from writing bout her.
Well, minimize it.

this christmas

Mymy, christmas is definitely the best time to fall in love.
Its like double the effect.

sooo sweet,
sooo touched.
How could I ever forget this?
F.
Its a show btw.

hope everyone's working hard to make this christmas a different one!
:D

so instead of tweeting.

ddinner's been postponed till sat,
like damn it.
so here I am waiting for two idiots instead.

I've been loving grey lately.
soooooo versatile can!

dear anonymous

for no reason,
I just want to know that she's well and smiling.

for no reason,
I wanna take a sneak peek.

for no reason,
I started writing for her.

But wait.
I'm sure that I have every reasons to do all that.

like, thank you for the bad flu.

couldn't help but to agree to what they say bout my horoscope.
I'm curious, so I broke my own rules by reading the site up.
Its not the usual studies, its of their own personal encounters with guys like me.

first of all, we do give every girls that we fancy a wrong impression.
Not that we didn't give a damn, we didn't want to be seen on a weaker side.
Man, they sure hit me hard on this one.
"We often portray ourselves as one who doesn't care but we do, really."
surely, this hits a deadly spot and much familiarity.
Well, not even a lie detector can deny about this.

this is much controversy.
"We are emotional and yes, we do get jealous at times but most of the time we're in control of it."
I'd say, we're very in control of emotions getting out of control.
Again, I gonna admit it.

Cutting it short,
I finally got an answer to this.
The area of commitment.
Initially, I thought it would be due to my own personal encounter/s
guess its just the way we're, not entirely thou.
I didn't want to feel the guilt, the blame.
We back off, as far as possible, in an instant.
Oh ouch.
So I can't get a stable one, you mean.

Well, its just for reference.
Ultimately, you're still you. Nothing's fixed.

fat liar

I don't even miss her, simple.

http://sleepwalks9to5.livejournal.com/

:D

clock's ticking

and i cant wait.

its like what, 20 hours? darn that's hot.

simple just
Delete.

Throwing the turnoff events apart.
Gooooood day! omfg less than 48hours more.
I haven plan a thing yet!
I'm too young to do a candle light dinner. HAHAHAHA
F, I like old school methods can.
After all, I do have her keys. period!

had a chat with elis,

it was awesome

less than 72 hours more!

end of chapter 2

I have no idea what stopped me. I was triggered, I was gonna smash her to bits.
Why did it stop me?

I've been living way past the limit bar and controlling it, so tell me about losing control.

I do know I'm weird, or usually ends up doing differently. I tried to be like every other normal guys - feeling jealous, trying to take control and making the woman the priority etc. I tried to be nice, out of my context. I'm not me trying to be Me. When you get bitten once, you grow smarter, you question yourself even more.

Changed? I can't judge. But when being nice doesn't seems to be an obligation anymore, I questioned myself how to make it convincing that I am, being Me.

Perhaps I do know what went wrong this time. I don't wish to explain bout the ugly tweets but hell, only the good ones were for her. Perhaps I'm wrong, I'll never know anyway. I'm tired of explaining or, trying too hard for a love one.

I'm a freaking perfect example of an aquarius male. Freedom speaks for everything we do, I hated myself so bloody much if I ever took it away from anyone. Don't tell me I'm controlling anybody, don't even think about it.

I'm lending her the axe. I have no clues bout good byes, nor composing it. I'm not feeling any atm, neither am I feeling good. shall end it here, too much will make it look like I'm acting.

Be fine, be okay.
kthxbyegdnight alvin/You.

Who would have known that I actually have a good reason to change my game name? No, she probably wouldn't believe I wanted it to be 25. Even jason would think im crazy. I'm that ignorant and that "idc" to everybody. And I do, she wouldn't even believe. Acting much alvin.

I do, and I can't find a single way to make it look real.
Screw yourself then, alvin.