you are really not me

before i start my stuff,

jay chou's new songs are nice.

give it a try

was there a point where we asked ourselves,

"Why do we have to go through this? and this?"

i actually started this confrontation years back.

did i made myself go through this shit,

or was it laid there beforehand?

yes im confused now, i really am.

a lot of questions that were clear to me seems so unclear now.

when my friends asked me how the hell i let it go so easily, they never get it.

most of them.

no matter how much terrible state you made yourself go through,

you cant let it go that easily.

its never fucking easy, dont you get it.

i do think of her, crazily.

before sleep and even waking up, its her instantly.

i just hid it within the heart, you dont have to go around giving everyone the idea that you misses someone.

when the mood is right, you unlocked it and feel the whole shit.

used to believe that any thing is possible with love,

any fucking thing.

how can i fucking fail? i always deliver.

you experienced enough to know that feelings alone can't satisfy the whole love shit.

then you convinced yourself that

if i fucking harass her more, she will fall for it.

if i play hard to get, she will want me more.

if im sincere enough, its more than enough.

you will be very wrong at the finishing line.

i really wish i was back then,

those moments.

say im selfish in the recent event,

say im heartless,

say that maybe or perhaps things aint as bad as i thought it would be.

and when it happens,

whos gonna heal every shit?

she didnt expect me to tell her all that,

she thanked me.

you know what really drove me nuts?

whoever thats up there, answered my wish.

it felt damn fucking good, instantly.

i would want to tell her many stuff, everything

but i couldnt.

knowing that the disease will spread like wild fire,

i fucking cant do it.

if i have to,

just smile.

just smile,

always.

its such a lovely night to wave good bye,

to existence.