i will never lie to myself

however it is

whatever i might be doing

whenever i closed my eyes to bed

however fun a day could be

however hard i tried to resist

still, images of you exist.

fucking hell.

i love this feeling,

feels like im not as cold blooded as before.

fucking hell.

i could pray for a glimpse of hope on my phone

one fine morning

or before i rest myself after tiring myself for missing you

fucking God,

answer it one fine day

just one fine fucking day.

mad post #1

elope, now.

N

O

W

NOW.

use, not make

i am gonna use a wish now

for

some thing i'd never really wanted

in the first place.

hear me out if you are there,

dead or alive.

haha

sometimes i wished that i didnt know you too much

cause knowing you that well

stops me from doing some of the things i want to

isn't it?

knowing your reactions

your thoughts

goodnight

pt

and so we had the gathering for pt pre-enlistment

okay lucky plaza ayam penyet is really awesome!

at 4th floor.

kinda of early but we headed down to nana instead of zouk

since pt never been to thai pub yet.

realized that its actually singapore girls dancing on the stage

instead of the usual ones.

new market? HAHA

unfortunately, got pretty tipsy at the end so straight to the bed when im home.

its still SATURDAY!

here we go.

this is personal,

the habit of laying down my head on the table

while listening to music.

thats how it flows for myself.

its a bad habit to listen to love/sad songs

with a broken heart, i admit it.

but it kind of works differently for me,

more towards the good o' times.

no doubt bout it, after all the recollections you will feel insanely down because its just such a pity that you can't have now.

not tomorrow, or even the day after.

in the midst of it,

maybe you will feel silly

maybe you will ask yourself why you did certain things you did

maybe you will start to miss him/her a lot

maybe you start to tear

then it comes flooding

but don't stop

it's all worth it.

ha, now im affected by what im writing. jesus.

you might even realize that,

sad songs are extremely beautiful.

yes it is.

now im smiling and laughing,

i ought to be upset isnt it?

kind of funny isnt it.

realizing how special you made someone to be

only at the last few moments.

the stars are holding you,

holding you,

holding you

tonight

tonight

thoughts

especially now,

im filled with mixtures of it.

have to pen it down,

been waiting for this for a long time.

right, so this is the last week of entertainment.

no more babies, no more cassy.

unfortunately, i'm done.

as i was skimming through the straits times,

a young fella caught my eyes.

unfortunately, it was at the obituaries.

he was just 21.

we're dying too early, ain't we?

loud music

young girls on the podium

shaking rather than dancing

liquors every where

flash lights

smoking and profanities

is this the club?

no, it was yy's birthday thats why i came.

i was telling bs that this isnt the place i used to love

this is a weird night.

i should be the one being dead drunk and crying the shit out

but end up having my friends doing all that

yj and yy brother end up dead

kirbie crying like a shit after toilet

chua making the fun out of almost everyone

the worst thing is,

i got home and saw my dad weeping by the window.

what's wrong tonight?

there's nothing to forget.

take it as im trying to lighten my mood,

everything happens for a reason.

not like the rest

i lost her this time round

because of myself

it was tough, very tough

but just let me finish my ending speech

she wasn't the kind of girl i would fell for

cause im sure she wasn't and i wasn't someone she would fancy

it was crazy, faster than coaster rides

and there she was

getting inside the heart in an instant

things went wrong instantly as well

drifted we were

then it didn't stop

it never did.

have you chased someone that insanely before?

i didnt

because this time nothing really ever goes according to plan

not even my fucking self

i struggled to keep up the pace during the second

i dont blame the heartless moment

because it was the only correct thing to do

to stop

everything

you will never like the idea of being strangers once again

went through it numerous times, i never liked it once

not a second of it

this will be the hardest to write.

we'll be going our separate way

i wish you well.

just rest early and remember to have your meals

thanks for everything

thanks

house nation

this is the song that makes the ride so comfy

enjoy!

run, escape but don't hide

okay JB quite fun,

then again maybe its because of chloe

but she suck big time as driver.

without fail, every time hang out with her she must be damn emotional.

three cups of coffee + two cheese cakes not even enough to cover her stories!

tmd

nearly would be the best explanation,

phew.

not any other women.

not that strong anymore huh, alvin lim

thanks for comparing

for treating everything as shit to you

for making me feel like, yes damn shit

for being truthful at the very fucking last

and the heart ache

thanks

i'm wrong,

and so are you.

okay please remind me that

elis is coming over for mj next week!

just let me be 27 for one day,

perhaps i will understand you more.

one fcuking day.

too young to understand,

too naive to realize,

too crazy to know know what's right or wrong.

too much to say,

too little courage

to hold one's hand.

i will let you win, you know it

been up all night staring at you

wondering what's on your mind

i've been this way with so many before

but this feels like the first time

i want to make you laugh

mess up my bed with me

kick off the covers i'm waiting

every word you say i think

i should write down

don't want to forget come daylight

happy to lay here

just happy to be here

i'm happy to know you

oh sweet

oh sweet

you looked stunning, today.

why did i stop at one?

it was a long night,

and the final choice was not writing it down.

I LOST IN MJ, AT MY HOMEGROUND.

AGAIN.

Yin qi too strong already. LOL

my aura got kena sucked away!

off the note, there's a two-timer drama in facebook currently.

super interesting

instead of clearing my minor debts, i loan my salary to another fella. like, wow. he's in need of that urgent cash, pretty devastating over there man. hope he's okay!

okay stick notes:

im heading for a quick supper soon

then im gonna clean my room

and set an alarm at 8am

cause got 3 siao chabor want to mj my luck away after hearing that i lost yesterday morning.

the good is, they gonna cook for me and of course, clean the bloody kitchen after their shit.

HAHAHA

okay looking forward.

everyday sunday meh? :D

E for bff

okay, i finally met up with elis after 64189156465489 days.

along with yj and jason for dinner at, concourt?

the bad thing is, shes gonna be stuck there for 4 years but the cool thing was, she expect me to go visit her.

and she will definitely get it.

damn, shes still harping on the issue of me being late when meeting her. HAHAHA

OKAY. TIME FOR SUPPER

f'ing prawn crackers, got addicted to that after having it with lynn.

really, it can't be that she know more awesome food delicacies than me. F

bye

For the past ten years, I've been trying to figure out what's infatuation.

Then, for the recent five years, it's been revolving between lust or love.

Now,

for the next five years,

I just want to find out if you're the one.

"If girls were to be like books to you, I'd be the treasure book waiting to be deciphered slowly. :)"

it's kind of sweet coming from you,

maybe it ain't suppose to be but still,

i think it is sweet to me.

untitled for real

kind of weird.

kind of.

suddenly it disappeared.

so yes. after supper went to drag that drunkard bitch back to my place cause i totally forgot which floor she stayed at. pretty much wasted, so sound asleep now.

no idea what gibberish shit she said just now.

weird,

just weird.

out you go, XP

so i managed to revamp the whole desktop to windows 7 one fine day.

realized that "hey, SP gave us the privilege to have the new OS to ourselves."

so i decided to test the new system out.

right i know i sound like a typical IT geek. nb

pretty cool, love the layout.

the sticky note damn cute man. HAHA

works smoothly for me

and yes, they transform the docks from MAC to another form.

and yes again, i did customized it or rather add some shit(s).

definitely better than vista, tat shit burn your ram man.

okay 8/10 for me,

not like it matters :D

suppose to be looking forward

but then boom

can't really explain weird this time round

damn, strangers again?

fuck.

seriously fuck.

got to be kidding me,

i thought i went through this before?!

fuck.

hi,

Tu me manques.

please text me asap :D

ma chérie d'amour

hey

you know i like you when you're demanding

when you're as ridiculous as me

when you're arguing with me over lil lil things

cause you're damn cute and adorable when

you do such stuff.

lil notes

i just needed this.

alvin, you know you always have a choice.

the door is there.

HA.

wth is this shit.

sweet nothings

as i was clearing my received files, i came across this.

tell me why i shouldnt protest to that?

tmd

it's funny the things i wrote in those text messages.

i hope i really mean it.

let me share this beautiful babe with you guys.

godlike

Love is a wet market

if you want a 100% from another, then you have to show that you are able to contribute 100%.

if you give a mere 20% but yet expect a 100%, then you can jolly well go fuck off.

life is simple as that.

the whole world might give in to you somehow, but i have my own ways of doing the opposite.

we sure are ridiculous at times huh?

nah, blame it on Love.

okay. time for a change

need to look for other jobs SOON, nanny's job is fun and great pay but i want to experience something different.

like. it was a few hours of over the phone session :D

star dust above us,

kisses inches away.

:D call me now.

Jump if you can't handle

i just want to say, you will usually win when i think you're out of point.

that's when you can win.

so i guess, suicide is not dumb after all.

maybe when im thinking bout it from another perspective, suiciding should become a choice to those who met up critical mishap.

what now? we're suppose to promote it?

so i was told to imagine that what if someone close to me did that, which it happened before.

yes, i will cry.

i will cry for your death and also your foolishness to end life.

we will definitely be feeling sad, cause we do have emotions after all.

life ought to be embraced but never trampled.

Suicide,

it is stupid and it always will be.

if we're facing it with a different mentality, it just encourage people that you can suicide if you can't handle the heat which is so wrong no matter how gravely your situation was.

perhaps the climax lies in, who are we to judge others.

haven't we all been doing that, all the while even though it is never our business?

you will judge me by the way i write stuff, will you not?

yes i am sorry that you have to been through all that, but when you reach the latter stage, its just foolish.

of course, you control your own life and how you want to do with it

but we have family and friends for a reason.

i should end it when the cliche phrase,

"Life is too precious for you to waste it away."

cross path

no, i didn't see wrongly.

i saw you, a few glances after a few years.

that was cool,

that was all i needed.

one's never enough, not even two.

ha.

alright enjoy this lovely evening!

life got quite fun all of a sudden.

a lil spice here and there,

we'll make it good.

oh crap, i just got to know that they changed the system for the new batch.

7 weeks bmt and re-service of 5years instead of ROD. DAMN IT

i think i haven't had a decent guys nights out with homies for quite some time

yeah it's still cool.

ended up counting the number of girlfriends we had during the session.

yummy.

and yes, i sing my lungs out just now :D

HALLELUJAH.